I'm blossoming.....

2012-01-15T16:51:00.000-05:00

Ooops, didn't cross-post my last one from my other blog, so I hope everyone had a happy new year and that this year is off to a great start for you!!

Work is going well. Really busy with transcripts which is awesome. I'm going to be able to save a nice sum for San Francisco, which will be great that I can pay for everything in cash. So looking forward to getting away!

I've applied for a position in Toronto. It's actually at the same court as one of the previous Toronto positions I interviewed for (it may actually even BE the same position; I wonder if the person they hired didn't work out!?), with more hours. I REALLY hope I get it....then I can move home!! Well, I don't mean "home" as in back in with my parents (yay for that) but back to the city where all my friends and family are. I've started scoping apartments just in case....so far am not sure where I want to live or where I can afford to live but I know my price range.

Went out downtown for dinner & dancing with my friend last night for her birthday...it was fun. But I didn't like the bar/club we ended up at (music sucked so bad) and god, all the men were such scum! When we got there we started talking with a group of guys (ironically, all were from the area I now live) and I found out later from one that they're ALL married (they were in town for the hockey game; apparently it's an annual thing they do). They were hitting on all kinds of women (also my extremely drunk friend whose birthday it was).....I am SO over the club scene. Yuck.

Weight loss will now seriously commence; I've had it with myself and my excuses. And why did I pay 16K for this stupid band if not to use it? Speaking of, it's still so unpredictable. I don't know daily how it's going to react. But I know I can overeat if I take my time or with certain foods and that HAS to stop. I have to show some sort of willpower along with the band.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T10:18:00.001-05:00

Just want to wish all my bloggy friends a Merry Christmas and a great holiday season! Hope it's filled with love and laughs!

Better updates to come, I hope! lol!!

more?

2011-12-11T17:29:00.000-05:00

Haha, I know I said I'd post more....think I'm actually posting less! If anyone cares!

Coming up on the holidays....I always find it stressful. I want to get good gifts but with limited funds, I don't feel I often do. And I'm annoyed by the ungratefulness of the niece and nephew, who always just wonder where is the next gift, and is there more, and oh, that's it?

Funds are still tight even with my now guaranteed hours. Because, now I have more deductions because of my health plan and pension. Which I suppose I will be grateful for if I ever need them, but right now I could just use that cash.

Went out on the town last night with my good friend and we had a fun night of lots of conversations and some drinks. Probably too many for me as I felt like shite this morning. Well, also for whatever reason my eating yesterday was not cooperating and I couldn't really eat anything or keep it down. Sucked. So I got pretty drunk. Today has been challenging but not as bad. My dad's BBQing steak tonight and I really hope I can eat some!

My mom is having a partial knee replacement on December 28 and of course I worry about her. I really hope she feels a lot better afterwards. It's gotten so painful for her and hard for her to even walk. Crossing fingers it all goes okay.

2011-11-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

I'm going to attempt a post from my phone....lucky you if works then you get more updates from me!

Things are going pretty well on the surface. Started my new positiong in Guelph a few weeks ago and things are going well. a few bumps with the pay of course, but everything should be sorted out next pay. I'm loving getting paid for holidays again! And today I worked at Kitchener again because they were short, so it's extra dough!

LouLou is doing great, she brings me such joy! Sometimes, annoyance...but mostly joy ;-).

But lately I've been feeling down about my life. I feel like evryone is having more fun, doing more things, meeting more people, with more money nd more "stuff". Just feeling sorry for myself a bit I guess. It's hard to meet people when you're older and all your friends are in relationships.

Well, let's see if this thing'll post!

2011-10-23T16:49:00.001-04:00

I’m bad lately. You know how it is if you work on a computer all day though; the last thing you want to do when you get home is spend more time on it!

I start my permanent position in Guelph tomorrow! I’m not nervous as I know how to do the job (I’m doing it now), it’s just having to meet everyone new and hope they like me (always a fear although I don’t know why!). Maybe I can make some actual friends there (makes me sound like such a loser; I never did make friends to do stuff with out of work where I’ve been working since December, though).

LouLou is doing great, she’s so adorable and funny. Getting big…probably close to 12 pounds now. Hopefully she won’t get much bigger. She’s sitting on my lap right now; she loves to be near me.

Thanksgiving weekend!

2011-10-09T09:34:00.000-04:00

I'm in Toronto at my parents' for the Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. We're having dinner today. Can't wait for stuffing and pumpkin pie, my two favorite parts of the meal.

Lou is doing pretty well. She's recovered mostly but still shakes when she sees a black dog, or the man or girl who were there when it happened. Animal Services came and took a report about the attack. The owner of the other dog seemed upset with ME that he was made to register and have his dog get the shots she should have had. Dude, if you can't afford to properly take care of your dog, then don't have one! He also has to have a "beware of dog" sign in his window and she must be muzzled when out.

And FINALLY! I got the permanent position in Guelph! I start on October 24. No rest in between though; I'll be working up to the change over. I have a few transcripts to finish up as well. But, yay!

2011-09-21T18:39:00.001-04:00

It’s just been a stressful week. The bills are mostly paid, however I got nailed on the final bill for interest for the last month….dad tells me not to worry and we’ll take care of it this weekend when I’m home….thank god for him.

LouLou was attacked by another dog outside our apartment Monday morning. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Her being shaken by her neck and then her behind….her screaming, me screaming. Thankfully she’s mostly okay and there was surprisingly little physical damage to her compared to how vicious it was. We went to the vet right away and she got a shot, but the vet couldn’t really find any damage either. She’s definitely more clingly and startles easily, but I’m hoping that goes away. She also freaks out when she sees either person who was involved or a black dog.

The owner paid me the next day for the vet bill and I also talked with Animal Services (basically animal control). They took a statement & were going to talk to the other party. Did you know that you have to be 18 to even walk a dog in Ontario? I didn’t. I’ll be happy if they just muzzle the other dog (which he did; we saw them today).

Anyhow that’s something I never want to go through again. It was the most terrible thing ever and set the tone for a depressing week; the weather isn’t helping.

However this Saturday I’m going shopping in the U.S. with a friend, just to Target and DSW but it’ll be fun. I have no money of course so I’m mostly along for the ride, but that’s okay. Waiting to hear about the permanent job. In a holding pattern, really.

everything’s coming up Milhouse!

2011-09-14T19:01:00.001-04:00

What can I say, I’m the luckiest girl on the planet. After coming clean with my parents (just to be honest with them, not expecting anything), we have worked out an arrangement where I’m paying my dad back. Granted, I’m paying him back about 15 years :-/ but I’m not going to affect my credit rating or having to pay huge sums monthly. We’re also paying off the remaining amount on my band!!! Woot! I’m super excited about that. Might as well roll it in with the rest. And I’m doing it just in time; by doing it before I get to 35 remaining payments, I’m saving over $3,000.

So that is awesome! Job-wise, things are looking up too. I mentioned the full-time job offer in Guelph, and that is happening as long as the union approves (which my supervisor doesn’t see an issue with, it’s just the process that has to be followed). She’s already told my current supervisor she’s stealing me lol.

Also my transcript mentor told me today I’m ready to be on my own! This is awesome and a huge relief. It was really a pain having to work in extra time in my deadlines so she could proof everything. So hopefully I’ll be able to meet my deadlines better.

I’m still going to the interview tomorrow. You never know, right? Better safe than sorry.

So, now I just need to continue losing weight (um….or get back to that ) and find a man. Easy peasy! lol

2011-09-11T13:57:00.001-04:00

I didn't get the Toronto job (pretty sure). They didn't even check my references which is strange. However, the supervisor from Guelph emailed me; another permanent position has come up and they're offering it to me! Which means I most likely won't be moving back to Toronto.

Had a meeting with a debt management company. It's really bad. Basically I'm insolvent. I have too much debt and don't make enough to even live on. I may have to file for bankruptcy. This is terrible. I'm at my parents' this weekend and already talked to my mom about it (dad is away on a guys' weekend and will be back later today. I get to explain the whole thing again. Yay! :-( ). How did I get to this? My dad is a math teacher & financial guy. Apparently he's taught me nothing!

According to the debt counselor, I'm not doing anything wrong. My living expenses are average. I just have this massive debt, and if I can't find a way to make a LOT of extra money per month, I'm going to seriously have to look at bankruptcy. Also, I could consider a consumer proposal. Basically, any of these options will wreck my currently quite good credit.

So, things have been pretty bad around me lately. I've been really depressed and upset about this whole thing. Add to that my stupid band, and I'm really down. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just moving money around and trying to survive and every month the debt gets more and more.

Ug. I'm such a downer! Sorry. Oh, and on top of that, what day is it? One of the worst in recent history. I've been thinking about the U.S. today. I remember where I was. I remember everything.

2011-08-21T09:06:00.003-04:00

So Friday I had an interview for pretty much my "dream job". Well, it's the job I'm doing now but back in Toronto! Three permanent postings came up for three different courthouses in the city. I feel I answered all the questions well and covered everything they wanted to hear, yet one odd comment from one of the interviewers totally threw me. I think (hope) it was just the way she worded it....they interviewed a lot of people. They said they'd know in the next couple of weeks and if I don't hear, I didn't get it. I just want it soooo bad....probably means I won't though... :-( Just kind of feeling down about it a bit.

Also, my best friend is going to London England next week on her own...financially I just can't handle that right now. Pretty bummed about it (happy for her though).....but we're going to go somewhere in the spring for sure (especially if I get one of these permanent positions!).

Weight is holding steady, which isn't a good thing. Some days I PB with everything I eat. Other days, it's like my band isn't there. Very frustrating. I admit, I'm not always the best at following some of the rules (protein first rule, mainly; but I don't usually eat a protein, veg and carb all separate....they're mixed together in some fashion!). This week I'm going to concentrate on my portions and less snacking at night. I'll see the scale move down then.

LouLou is great as usual! I'm in Toronto this weekend due to the interview, and I couldn't be bothered bringing her crate. Everyone was out on Saturday and she was alone in my bedroom for about 5 hours. She did great! I'll probably still bring the crate most times but it's a real pain to lug around.

Oh, I didn't mention that if I get one of the Toronto jobs I'll be moving back in with my parents for a bit.....eeek!

wow

2011-08-12T22:38:00.001-04:00

So I didn’t get the job. Sucks. But I found out I can have a “debriefing”, and so I’ve made that telephone appointment with the supervisor for next Friday. Which is convenient because I also have an interview with Toronto for a permanent position (there are 3) the same day!!

Super-excited. Sooo hoping I get it. Have only told my bestie so far (Jen, who I went to San Diego with last year) and she’s sooo excited too! I really want to tell my parents but they’re on vacation until tomorrow! I’m heading there with the pup then because another good friend is having a BBQ Sunday, so I’ll have some good news to tell them. Oh my gosh, it would be just perfect. Aside from the fact that my lease is until January….I’ll worry about that if I get the job!

Otherwise things are pretty good. Coming up are some busy weeks at work, and I have several transcript orders.

Weight wise----still up a bit. This has been a strange fill. If I can outlast it, then I can eat anything (usually at night).

So here are a few recent pics of my love!

Jen gave her a haircut! Now she’s “foxy” (i.e. shaped like a white fox! lol)

Zonked and still sleeping on the back of the couch!

I just love her spotted belly! She’s recovered perfectly from her spaying!

got a fill

2011-07-20T16:03:00.001-04:00

Well I got my fill. Apparently at my clinic they now only will put in .5cc’s at a time. I had only wanted about .1 or .2, and I knew it would be too tight. There was a lot of water gurgling from it. I seemed okay then, but I knew in a few days I would probably have major problems. Then the other new thing, they can only take out .25 cc. (What the hell do you do then if this is too much? I guess then you don’t need a fill = funky logic). So, she did.

But the weird thing is, I totally feel even LESS restriction than I did before the fill. I’m waiting a few days before I call, to see what happens. But it’s very strange. Hopefully it’ll help though; I’m up 10 lbs from the last defill :-( .

My pup is getting spayed tomorrow! A little worried about it but I’m sure she’ll be fine. It’s actually a good thing that this is happening on the hottest day of the summer so far….she’ll be in the air conditioned clinic all day at least.

Still waiting on hearing about the job. I know they checked my references, and they’re waiting for Ministry approval to hire. Not sure if it’s me, but I hope so. I’ll hear either way. There are several job postings for Toronto and area that I’m going to apply for. If I got them….I’d have to move back! And possibly in with my parents again for a bit! AHHHH! They’re both fine with the possibility though! Especially my dad; I think he misses me. And he said several times he’s fine with the dog being there two (I come home with animals! lol)

Wish her luck tomorrow!

2011-07-04T18:26:00.001-04:00

I’m pretty down. I just sold my paltry little RSP from ING…..it’s only $1300 but I need the money more at this point than I do when I retire (which at this rate will be never).

*sigh* why am I so bad with money?! And why have I struggled in my career so much?!

As usual, tomorrow will be a better day. And I just look at this face to cheer up:

not abandoned!

2011-07-03T21:38:00.001-04:00

It may seem that way, but no! I’ve just not been in a mood to write. For a while there I was really busy with some long transcripts, and then just wanting to hang with the dog at night. I think the other thing as well is, now that we’re on a digital system in the courtrooms, I’m on a computer all day. So at night I don’t feel like coming home and typing more stuff!

Been having a fun summer so far, except for the lack of funds. If I don’t get this job, I don’t know what I’m going to do! As I wrote last time, I’m still waiting to hear. I really hope it’s soon. As of now I will not be able to go to London in the fall….we may postpone until the spring.

Eating hasn’t been great….most of the day I still seem to be really tight, but as usual it loosens in the evenings. I haven’t been making the best choices so the weight is still up a little. This week will be better!

The latest pics:

She’s doing so well! Eight whole pounds and a super sweet puppy!

2011-06-20T11:27:00.000-04:00

Well I am still waiting to hear about the job. However, I know they are currently checking my references. Good sign! I'm hoping this means I'm the front runner, and will hear in a couple of weeks (maybe next week?!). That would be great because....

I am broker than broke. I'm not currently making enough to cover my bills. And my massive debt. Ug. I feel like I'm drowning. Hopefully if I get this position it will help alleviate some of that worry.

Had a great weekend with family for Father's Day & my dad's birthday. Have today off so I stayed until today. Leaving shortly to head home and then I have a transcript to work on. Good times.

This week I'm back to healthier eating, too. I've been able to eat bad shit and have been doing so. Scale is up about five pounds. I really think I need like a 0.1 fill. I may contemplate that and maybe see if I can schedule something on the long weekend if I'm still able to eat like this.

2011-06-07T15:34:00.000-04:00

I'm bad!! Sorry! I've actually been really busy with work. Lots of big transcripts, and one with a realllly tight deadline (what I should be doing now, actually!). But I love it!

Tomorrow I have an interview for a permanent full time position. It would mean I would be leaving my courthouse where I am now, which kind of sucks. But still, I want it! Just the guarantee of hours....and pension and benefits!

My band gives me grief sometimes but nothing like before. I haven't been exercising though. When I moved I cancelled my gym membership and was going to join somewhere out here. Then I got the dog, and...excuses, excuses, I know. I want to find great outdoor places to take her, she loves walks!!

Speaking of.....die from the cuteness!

She kills me!

2011-05-29T09:43:00.000-04:00

This weather is driving me crazy. Now that I'm out several times a day with the dog, I notice just how rainy this month has been. And cold. You wouldn't know that June is this week, at least in Southern Ontario.

Still trying to get a full time position. I have an interview in Guelph (20 minutes from me) on the 8th. Here's hoping I get it, as it's a permanent position. Still haven't heard from the other one, and it's a backfill (meaning a one year full time contract; but the problem is my current contract would expire while I'm on it, so then when the backfill ended I wouldn't have a job). So I would have to think about accepting that. But no decision on it still.

My puppy is a delight most days. Very rarely do we have an accident (probably because I'm always taking her outside!). She's definitely full of energy and into everything, but I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Lots of fun stuff coming up in June. Next SAturday is the annual lobster party my parents have every year. This year my dad had to order 525 lobsters. Crazy! I'm also seeing "Billy Elliot" which is supposed to be excellent. I'm also going to the Glee live concert as well as Katy Perry this month! So, fun stuff going on.

I'm at my parents' right now but have to leave soon to head home to work on a transcript. I have a few others coming up too which is great, since some of the weeks, my hours have been very short (like, only one day or two days a week!). Hope you had a great weekend!

hacked again!

2011-05-16T18:14:00.000-04:00

How do they do it?? Just noticed a couple of spam posts....so sorry! My email also got spammed as well. I don't know how they do it....it's not like my password is that easy or I just go to all these bad sites!

Since I'm here, thought I'd update, such as it is. Pretty much, no change. Still stressed about work & haven't heard about the full time job. Upcoming interview for Guelph. So, not much new.

Weight wise....I'm up a couple of pounds since the de-fill. But I'll post more about that on my other blog.

Just handing with the dog....drives me crazy, but I love her to death!

worried....

2011-05-11T19:42:00.000-04:00

About work. I'm on an "irregular on call" contract. So, I have no guarantee about hours (although the scheduler does her best; she also has to make sure all the full time people get their hours). Next week I'm scheduled 2 days. The week following (Victoria Day week), ONE DAY.

Holy shit. I hope my boss approves my expenses from my London training, because that's basically the amount of one paycheque. And apparently I'll need it just to stay afloat. Hopefully I'll get some more transcripts over the next weeks too.

Talked to my supervisor yesterday, and there's still no decision made about the job I had the interview for. I also got contacted for a full time position in Guelph (about the same distance as Kitchener from me, plus free parking). I asked him if he could give me any feedback, and he said I did well, there was nothing he could tell me to improve on. So, I guess for the Guelph interview I'll just do the same thing. And REALLY REALLY hope I get it.

Arg, just stressed. My bills are huge. I've been living off credit the last 10 days. It sucks. My dad is always asking me if I'm making enough. I say yes because, what can I say? I know he'd offer to help, but he's retired, he can't really afford it. Plus I already owe him money. So I just have to struggle along.

Thanks for listening to me vent. Where's my sugar daddy!?

2011-04-30T14:54:00.000-04:00

Finally it's a nice sunny day! The weather has been terrible, rain & wind every day. Poor me and poor puppy! Sucks having to go outside several times a day!

How can you deny this funny pup! Sad thing is, I'm pretty sure she is deaf. My dad actually noticed over Easter weekend, and it makes a lot of sense. She doesn't respond to her name, or my voice. She doesn't notice loud noises, or other dogs barking. You could go up behind her and yell in her ear....nothing. We go to the vet soon so hopefully there's a test or something. Then I can let the breeder know....I have a three year health guarantee, but it may only apply to returns....which I would never do! She's super attached too. I've been working on commands & training for deaf dogs (basically it's treats and sign language).

I've been commuting to London, ON every day this week for the transcript training. It's pretty boring, but I'm getting paid, so whatever! This coming week, it's four days of training and (so far) Friday off. Going back to Toronto next weekend for mother's day & my mom's birthday.
I made another appointment for an unfill for May 7. Seriously, it's been really hard. I'm afraid I'm going to be back to my previous (lack of) restriction from the beginning of December. So I'm really nervous about that, but I'll be happy to eat more fruits & veg, and meat.

Happy weekend!

Even more neglected blog!

2011-04-22T10:31:00.001-04:00

(cross post! I am lazy, lol).

Poor neglected blog, I am sorry! Who knew having a puppy would be so much work! (I actually didn't; yes I knew it would be work, but not like this!).

Things are getting better. The hardest is the potty training, and having to go outside with her at like 2:30 a.m. (and 4:30 a.m....). But she is learning....and I'm learning that most of her "mistakes" are because I missed the signs. She's an adorable energetic puppy. My stress has gone done significantly (also because I found a fabulous dog walker who lets her out while I'm at work!).

Eating is okay. Some days I'm still super tight. Other days it seems I can eat a ton. Still less than previously, but more than I should. However, I am super-grateful for this band. I know that if I didn`t have it, my weight would be climbing and climbing. I would be binging every night (it`s what I did before when I lived on my own). So at least for that, I am so happy. And my weight is slowly going down. I wish I could eat more roughage, but of course that gives me grief. Same with many meats (chicken, I miss you!). But believe me, I`m not starving! lol

I`m in Toronto this weekend for the long weekend. Yay for government jobs, as I have Monday off as well! My parents come home from their five-week Florida/Tunica trip on Sunday, and my mom at least, can't wait to meet LouLou (oh, and I'm sure they'll be happy to see me! lol). Tonight I'm playing cards at my friends' place, tomorrow we're going to see "The Secret Garden"....busy weekend!

Found out late last night that I have to drive to London, ON for the next two weeks. Finally I am getting my transcript training. Sucks at the location (although I'm pretty sure I get travel time and mileage as well, which should be sweet). I just have to think of the paycheque....I will make more in a week than I have been in two lately. I had the job interview for the full time position but haven't heard....for whatever reason I'm not too optimistic, but I won't give up. This is what I want to do and I will get that job!

Well, I'm trying to do laundry and stuff while I'm here at my parents' (that's their laundry, so the towels are clean when they get back!), better go. Happy Easter!

Say hello to my little friend.

2011-04-06T22:05:00.000-04:00

Oh, you need sound for this to truly appreciate it! My puppy LouLou I got on the weekend! She's a Westipoo ( just love the name!). We are learning to get along!

assorted stuff

2011-04-01T21:29:00.000-04:00

Wow! I've been pretty busy. I finished my cat allergy study follow up (verdict - still very allergic. I know I said before I'd never do it again, but I mean it this time! I just couldn't resist the $850 for about 22 hours of work!). I have an interview on the 13th for a permanent position at my courthouse (I'm only on a contract now; permanent would be vacation, benefits, etc.).

Tomorrow I'm getting a puppy! Will post pics after that happens (once I have a spare moment, lol).

Since the allergy study, and now I'm sick (cold, I think), my band is suuuuper tight again. What. The. Hell. I'm hoping it'll loosen up but I might need another defill. wah!

Well, I'm having a boring Friday night. Came into Toronto for the study final visit, took off my snow tires (well, not me personally!) and am checking on the folks' house (they're in Florida until Easter). Staying here tonight and going to the breeder's tomorrow.

A crazy weekend, for sure....am nervous about a puppy but totally excited too. I've already got a crate/supplies, and booked a first vet visit for Monday. As well, am meeting with a dog walker (the rates are amazing!). I will need one for the days I work in Kitchener (too far to come home over lunch). Wish me luck!

great weekend

2011-03-20T17:36:00.001-04:00

(cross post!)

Had a great weekend this past weekend! My two girlfriends came to visit from Toronto & stayed overnight. One brought her two dogs (which apparently barked the whole time we were out, which was on several occasions; I found out because my neighbour yelled at me. Nice!). Anyhow, we did some shopping (actually some good stores in the local mall), went for dinner, and then a girls’ night at the local bar The Flying Dog, which was really great (and I want to go back in the summer because their patio looks awesome!).

As for eating, well, I had issues all weekend, which actually helped balance out the alcohol last night, lol. I’ve been tight since Friday basically. Don’t know why; coming up on “that time” but I didn’t think I was affected in that way, maybe I am.

But as I said, I’m going to eat properly beginning this week. My one girlfriend who came is the one I’m going to London with and we talked a bit about the trip; we may fly over to Paris too! Oh my god. Oh my god. I have to look good! (oh yeah, and be healthy for all the flying and walking ;-) .

I’m up for a full time position at work. Please cross your fingers! It’s at the courthouse which is five minutes from me, in my town. And I won’t have to stress about my weekly hours. They’ll be guaranteed. Plus health benefits and paid vacation! So, we want this! lol

I’m totally bored today and fighting eating urges, but I think I’ll just drink a bunch of water (combatting my dehydration from last night, too) and keep fighting!

Last night: my friend I’m travelling with, me & my longest friend (we’ve known each other since we were about five and grew up on the same street).

wtf?

2011-03-18T21:49:00.001-04:00

Obviously I did not post that post about joining the “Fun Room”….WTF? Someone hacked my silly little blog? Guess I better change my password.

Sorry for the virtual spam!

Wow

2011-03-13T13:54:00.001-04:00

Wow it’s been a long time! Sorry. I’ve been doing some dreadful transcript work for a friend’s company and it’s the most BORING stuff I’ve ever heard, so it makes it hard to get motivated, then I put it off….now I’m under a crunch!

I had my de-fill last Saturday….whew. I still have issues if I eat the wrong things or how I’m not supposed to, but it’s a huge change. The scale kind of hung steady (as I took in more calories this week), but this week it’s back to what I’m supposed to be doing. Because….

In the fall I’m going to London, England!!!!! Yeah, baby! And I want to be 30-40 lbs thinner than I am now. So this is going to take work and concentration on my part. I WILL do this. I’m not going to be my current weight while shopping for fabulous clothes & traipsing all over London! Anyone been there? Where MUST I go?

Unfortunately this means it’ll be a no-go to the Chicago BOOBS trip. Bummer, but….London! Maybe a once-in-a-lifetime trip. So I’ve gotta do it.

2011-02-23T13:37:00.000-05:00

Well the de-fill was postponed again, until March 5. I am not happy about it but am stuck...can't get back to Toronto until then. I'm able to eat, just not as I would like. The healthy foods give me grief, and not so healthy foods are much easier to eat. Figures.

Didn't join the gym yet. My financial situation isn't great still, so I'm just gonna wait a little bit. The streets are free so maybe I'll start using those!

Otherwise nothing is really new. Work still going well, still enjoying it. Want to get to my transcripts but am still not sure when that training will be. Should be soon; gonna bug my supervisor about it this week.

2011-02-13T19:15:00.000-05:00

Today I went to a Christening for my friends' baby. My three other besties were there, and we ended up at a relatively private table at the reception (two of friends' hubbies were at the table). My friend Jen, who I went to San Diego with in June, pointed out that this fall we will have been best friends for 20 years. That evolved into a conversation about us doing up a proper shopping trip to New York City. The hubbies were okay with it (Jen just got divorced).

I think this will happen in the fall.....at least I HOPE it will. It's hard now with the other two having two kids, to even get together for a day. But if we have this much time to plan for it, I think we can do it. I really hope it happens because it will be so much fun!

That's also extra motivation to keep losing the weight. The last time I was in NYC was (I think) 10 years ago, and it was also a shopping trip, with two of these three girls. My weight was less than I am now....probably 200. Gosh to be under that and have no trouble with shopping....well that's a huge dream of mine, superficial though it may be.

Tomorrow I'm rejoining the gym out in Cambridge (cancelled my current membership, and a new location of my gym just opened there with awesome rates for the next year). I'm getting back into working out and getting healthy. And it will only help with the weight loss.

Eating this weekend has been challenging. But I haven't been overdoing it, which is good. I just wish it wasn't so uncomfortable and painful! The de-fill Saturday should bring some relief.

2011-02-11T18:36:00.001-05:00

Well, not too much new. My de-fill is postponed until next Saturday which really sucks as the issues are still here. Eating is really uncomfortable and painful, pretty much every meal. I’m supposed to eat solids, but they give me the most problems. Things that don’t? Liquids (including wine), chocolate, chips, ice cream. Not really conducive to weight loss!

Still loving work. I had applied at the Newmarket courthouse back in August, and they contacted me for an interview on Wednesday. Unfortunately, a little late. That would have been good as I wouldn’t have had to move, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? And I AM enjoying it out here. There are a couple of full-time positions posted that I’m applying for (I’m only on a contract, so cross your fingers).

So I mentioned cancelling the gym? Well I’m still doing that. However, my plan is to rejoin the same gym out here, as they have a special that’s only $7/week (realllly cheap for Goodlife). That’s more in my budget. As I have Monday off, I’m hoping to go apply then (and cancel in person on Saturday, which they require & is a pain in the butt!).

I’m reading everyone but wasn’t online much last week. I’ll try to post more often. Enjoy your weekend!

b-day weekend

2011-01-29T09:54:00.000-05:00

Had a good week at work, dealing with the seamy underbelly of society. Seriously, there are people out there you never really think could exist except in some writer's imagination. It's good to see the justice system working though (sometimes!).

At home in Toronto for my birthday this weekend. I don't make a big deal out of it anymore (getting older sucks; at least the number does as I don't really feel that old and most people think I only look in my mid-20's anyways!) but it's a good reason for a get-together with friends. We're going to the Keg for drinks and appetizers tonight, fun! Tomorrow I'm having dinner with the family.

Got lots to do today including taking my car for it's next scheduled service. Yay. Get to wait around for at least an hour & spend money on something not fun!

2011-01-21T20:23:00.001-05:00

The roads ended up being okay so I went home. Went out last Saturday night with my friend & three of her friends. It was alright; we went to Alleycatz in midtown….it was okay. Expensive (I paid $12 for two lobster cakes smaller than my palm, although they were delicious) for food and drinks, and then wayyyy overcrowded for dancing later. I’m definitely not able to put up with crowds like that as I did in my 20s.

The brunch the next day was good as well, with my friend and our other two close friends. Food-wise I was able to eat (mostly dessert, lol) alright. I drove back to Cambridge and was home by 5 to finish the transcript.

Work this week was very good, except because I’m only contract, I found out today that I can be relived from court if a full-timer needs to complete hours. And that happened this afternoon (although apparently it’s pretty rare). I really need to start applying to any full time contracts that come up, and I will.

Weight’s been holding the same, which is good….still no exercise to speak of (except hiking from the free parking to the courthouse, which I did twice this past week). But I’m okay with it. I am going to get more walking in this week as well.

No real plans for the weekend. Today my parents were coming to help put my bed together but there were major accidents closing the highway so they’re coming Monday instead. I think tomorrow I’m going to dye my hair (bad roots!), check out the outlet mall that’s within walking distance of my apartment (not sure it’s any good but you never know!), unpack a bit and start another transcript.

boo….

2011-01-15T10:21:00.001-05:00

So I am supposed to go back to Toronto today for my lovely friend’s birthday. However there is (what they keep calling on TV) an “Alberta Clipper” hitting the city, and from what I’ve seen on the news, roads are terrible. I drove in weather like this last weekend (only it wasn’t snowing here where I live; this weekend, it is). So, that kind of sucks. However, I don’t have to spend money, which is a good thing….

My friend is also having a birthday brunch tomorrow with our core group, and I should be able to just drive in for that. Hopefully.

I guess it’s okay…I have a few errands I can do in town. And I have my first transcript, which is great. I’m not trained on them yet, only from school, but the girl training me is letting me type hers for a portion of the profits (normally it’s $3.20 per page. With this arrangement I get $2 and she gets the $1.20, because she still has to proof everything). So, it’s good. This one I’m doing now will be over 100 pages, so you do the math! lol

Food this week hasn’t been great….band has been a bitch all week. I can’t really eat during the day (even had to leave court yesterday to go throw up) and then at night, I overeat because I’m so hungry. Have to figure out a way to work around this.

As for exercise….yeah, not happening. And I know I’ll probably get a lot of backlash, but….I’m probably going to flat out cancel my gym membership. Mainly to save the $600+ per year. When the weather has improved I can start walking to work (about 20 minutes each way, and all uphill on the way home).

Guess that’s it. Enjoy your weekend!

I’m in.

2011-01-09T15:17:00.001-05:00

What a day. Everything actually went relatively smoothly (despite lots of snow). But everything made it, nothing got broken/wrecked, and now I have a ton of unpacking to do!

Some before pics of the place:

the bedroom

dining room

living room

I’m so tired, mostly physically. But still more to do. I’ve got all my clothes out anyways. Now that I’ve got all my stuff that’s been packed in boxes for six years (the last time I lived on my own), there’s even more stuff. And a ton has just gotta go in the garbage, I guess. But that’s for another day!

Okay, more to do. Then relaxing before work tomorrow. Life is finally starting to feel “adult”!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T15:16:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone had a fun, safe, relaxing night! I went up to my friends’ place & played cards, had some drinks, and played Dance Central on the Xbox Kinect (that was FUN!).

So my last weigh in, I was DOWN again (yay for losing weight over the holidays!)! I’m down 23.5 lbs since the end of August! A little on the slow side, but I’ll take it. Of course probably since I’ve basically been sick all of December (and am on antibiotics now), there have been days I haven’t had an appetite, and have gotten stuck a few times. Once I get back to my normal eating I’m hoping the weight continues going down.

So I’ve been off work all week, and just packing & getting ready for my move on the 8th. I’m pretty much packed. Tomorrow we’re going out & putting up drapes & shelving. I just can’t wait for this thing to be over!

So I don’t really do resolutions, because my follow through isn’t the best. And I hate to fail. But the “resolution” I will make for this year is this: this is the last year I’ll be actively losing weight. I want to be done with the weight loss, and on to maintaining by 2012!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T17:25:00.001-05:00

Just a quickie because I wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone before the festivities start! It's less than an hour to our Christmas Eve open house, and I feel so lousy. I am sicker than I was at the beginning of December. And I'm so tight for some reason, I just can't eat. But I'll have some wine and try to feel better!

So, happy holidays to you all! May you all get want you want this holiday season. And thanks for your support over the last few months; it means more than I can express.

first week down (cross-post)

2010-12-19T20:46:00.001-05:00

Seems I never posted about how I got my new apartment and I take possession January 1!!! However, I’m not planning to move until the 8th. Today I bought a sofa, chair & mirror ( the mirror wasn’t planned but will make a nice wall addition). I got an excellent deal (anyone in the GTA, see Bad Boy for all your furniture, etc. needs over the holidays/Boxing week; they also have Rogers PVRs for half price Boxing week!), but all I can say is thank goodness for credit :-/. It’s going to be a very lean month (especially since my ex-boss still owes me over $1100 and I don’t know how/when I’ll get it!).

Friday I had my gift exchange with my four best girlfriends. We went for Chinese (after the 1.5 glasses of wine I was okay, although still a small plate) and my friend bought me a beautiful bracelet of different metals. It’ll go with everything. Love it!

I lost another pound this week. Didn’t take a pic, but altered my ticker. A bit slow, but going in the right direction. My issue is throughout the day I’m really tight & can hardly eat; I get home, relax, and then I probably overeat a bit even though I’m eating the right things because I’m so hungry. As I mentioned, it seems like stress affects me physically; I think I can manage until after the holidays and I move. Then I can relax a bit.

My first week of work was great (I’m ignoring the commute, which sucked 4/5 days). I love the work; it is interesting and different every day. The people I’m working with are great; very nice and helpful. And I’ve also learned that my status (on-call) will pretty much become full time soon as the two full time girls are going on maternity leave at virtually the same time. And in Canada you get paid mat leave for a year. I know my trainer/full time girl is planning to take two years (because they’ll hold her job for the second year even though she’s not being paid). So there is a good possibility that I’ll be able to upgrade my situation. So, so far, so great!

Well it’s Survivor finale and then bed; 5:45 am is too early! (Can’t wait til I move; I won’t have to get up until 8:00 am if I don’t want to!)!!!

2010-12-12T19:33:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I start my new job! I'm excited, but nervous about the drive. The weather in Southern Ontario is not going to be great overnight/tomorrow morning, and I have to drive 1.5 hours west (although out of the weather pattern). So, I hope by the morning the roads have been salted. Wouldn't it be lovely to get into an accident on my way to my first day!

I had a fill on Thursday, and so far, (mostly) so good. Tonight's dinner of chicken & asparagus didn't go so well, but that's okay. I'm happy with how it's going so far and my food choices. I've already packed my lunch for tomorrow, so I'm all prepared.

Wednesday I got my hair cut:

Love the new cut. The bangs (bangs = fringe for those of you outside of North America!) take a bit of work but I don't care! I'm all for whatever looks better, not ease of wear ;-). And then yesterday I got my bi-weekly nail fill:

I've been seeing this type in all the magazines lately, and my totally amazing nail tech nailed it even though it was the first time she's done this. I'll definitely be getting similar styles!

Well, I'm going to try to relax the rest of the night; just doing some laundry & trying to get organized for tomorrow. I'm sure sleep won't come easy tonight but I figured I'd be tired the first day. Wish me luck!

got it!

2010-12-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

Well if you read my other blog this is repeat news, but.....I GOT THE JOB!!!!

This is super-exciting news for me. Mostly because I will be making money again, and getting out of the house & doing something. I won't enjoy the 4+ hour daily commute I'm going to have for the first while, but I'll do what I've got to.

I have to go sign some papers on Friday and I'm hoping to set up a few appointments to look at some apartments. The city I'm moving to is about 1.5 hours west of Toronto (with traffic it may take me up to 2.5 hours each way, hence looking to move in about February) and the rents are really reasonable (less than $900/month for a two bedroom apartment). I'll also have to find some movers, as I have almost a full apartment's worth of furniture in the basement here....but first to find a place!

So that's a big load off my mind. Makes me think I was one of the top candidates (I believe they're hiring up to five people), which really makes me feel good.

Luckily I'm not officially starting until the 13th, because I've been really sick all week (and so are my parents). It sucks. Good thing -- I lost about 5lbs this week though. Probably not the best way to do it, but as a side effect, I'll take it.

So, lots to do this week to try to get ready for the holidays and to get some clothes. I really have nothing. I spent the last year in school (casual, jeans) and the three years before that working in a spa, so wearing yoga pants all the time. I have nothing business casual (and working in the courts, obviously I have to look professional). I ordered some things off Old Navy online (wayyy more selection than the stores!) and might hit up Value Village this week (I don't want to spend a ton since the weight keeps going down).

So that's my big news. I'm nervous but excited. Yay!

good news.....knock wood?!

2010-11-27T23:32:00.002-05:00

So they are checking my references! Two of my references have let me know they’ve received the reference check forms to fill out. So after this, I don’t know how long it will take to hear anything. Maybe sooner than they had said? I would be sooo happy if I heard before the holidays!

Anyways, aside from that not much is new. I have to have a meeting with the nutritionist next Friday before I can get a fill. At first I was really upset about it, but yesterday I had my first PB episode so….maybe it IS just me. I don’t think talking with the nutritionist will help (seriously, I’ve been on a diet for the past 15 years, I KNOW how to lose weight…it’s the implementation I have problems with :-/ ) but you never know.

Tomorrow is my niece’s 5th birthday….which is crazy in itself. We’re having dinner at my brother’s. He always puts on a good spread (doing most of the work himself…don’t get me started on that!! >:-( )

over with

2010-11-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

Well the interview went well, I think. A lot quicker & easier than I had thought it would be. Only two managers there (from two of the courthouses where I would be working) and they asked five questions (same questions to all candidates). I think I answered them well. Then I had to do a spelling & a word usage test; pretty easy I think. We did a lot of that in school plus I've always been good with spelling/grammar. I'm not sure how many errors you're allowed on that.

They're hoping to have someone hired in the new year. Yes, the lightening speed of government! I think it's the fact they have to get permission from the government to hire, which will slow things down. I hope, I hope, I hope.....god what will I do if I don't get it?!

I have to get back to the gym....my ankle is pretty much pain free now. I cancelled my follow up appointment with the doctor yesterday morning because really, what is he going to tell me that I don't already know?

And I need to make a fill appointment. I've just been mostly stalled with the weight loss lately. I thought this was going to make things sooo much easier but apparently not for me. It's frustrating, but I've got to work with it; after all I'm paying for it for the next five years!

I did it.

2010-11-16T16:38:00.001-05:00

I have an interview on Monday. That is all!!

2010-11-15T22:20:00.001-05:00

I have my typing test tomorrow with the Ministry. This is what I have been working towards for the past year. I practiced typing online tonight for an hour (I need to do 50, but I normally do 65-70 and accuracy is really important). I need to ace this.

I had some stress about it because when my computer got the virus last week I lost all my outlook emails including the one from the woman from the Ministry with all the details (including her name & number). But she did finally email the confirmation today, so I’m ready.

It’s a 1.5 hour drive (yes, if I get this job I will eventually be moving out of Toronto to a small town west of here, but to start I will be commuting probably four hours a day….I must be crazy) and my test is at 1p.m. I’ll be there in plenty of time (I get my chronic earliness from my dad).

That’s pretty much it. I also realize I cannot buy chips/snacks because I have no control. I have eaten two big bags of chips in the past two days. That is not acceptable under any circumstances. So I’ve got to limit those things so I can keep my control.

2010-11-11T18:04:00.000-05:00

I walked around at the mall today for three hours, and now my ankle's hurting. Aside from that, I think it's been healing really well. Looking forward to getting back to the gym & getting more activity in.

Eating has been better the last couple of days. I don't get stuck on EVERYTHING. I'm trying to listen to cues more, and limit my nighttime snacking (major weakness!). Looking forward to a drop in the scale tomorrow.

Tuesday night our desktop computer got a bad virus & they had to wipe everything and reinstall it. What a pain! Apparently (and now I've been hearing this from everyone) Norton Antivirus is a piece of crap and useless (well, it certainly didn't catch THIS one). I've heard of some good free ones from people, so when this subscription runs out maybe I'll try it. Don't want to have to go through that again.

Oh, and you should totally go congratulate Suzi Storm at Okay, Just One More Beer as she hit goal today; over 90 lbs lost! Girl you rock!!

good news

2010-11-06T18:56:00.001-04:00

I hope I’m not jinxing myself by writing about this, but I’ve finally gotten to the first step of getting the job of a court reporter that I’ve been working for this past year. Thursday I got an email saying I’d been selected for a typing test (first step in the process). I’m going November 16.

Cross fingers, toes, legs, whatever! I have to ace the test (which is only 50 words per minute; I’m about 65) to move onto the interview stage.

The only downside (well, I’m not sure if it’s a negative or not) is it’s one of the jobs I applied for that’s about 1.5 hours west of Toronto. So it would be too far to commute (although I will in the beginning for a bit) so I’d have to move west of the city. It could be good for me though.

I only applied for this position a month ago, so that moved really quickly. I hope I hear back from some of the other ones soon as well.

Anyhow, that was my good news for the week!

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T12:22:00.001-04:00

I’m TOO excited for the premier of The Walking Dead tonight! I love a good zombie flick….I think this is the first zombie TV series? Anyways, I hope it lives up to the hype.

Yesterday we had our first theatre show of the new subscription season. It was Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and I have to say if you have the chance to see this show, definitely go! It was fabulous.

And we went to lunch before. And, it was…..not good. It honestly depends on the day (hour?). Something I can eat one day, may not go down the next. Last night I was actually able to eat one piece of marble rye with two slices deli meat (I was sooo craving a sandwich). Usually bread is a no-no. Anyways, I guess I’m still figuring this thing out. But I’ve dropped five pounds since the fill.

If this does keep up though, I may call the clinic later this week and see what they say. I feel like it’s now TOO hard. But I seem to be able to take my vitamins, I just don’t take them when I’ve eaten (there seems to be no space left, lol).

And if you read my other blog you know Wednesday night I badly twisted my ankle and I ended up with this:

So needless to say the gym has been out. I go back to the hospital tomorrow to see what they say. I haven’t been able to drive either (it’s my right foot) so I’ve been trapped in the house (well, I was Thursday and Friday as my parents went out of town after dad took me to the hospital Thursday morning). But yesterday I ended up walking around downtown after the show with my friend, and it was okay. Definitely the ankle is better; I think having it immobilized has helped. I really hope I don’t have to wear this thing much longer.

this and that

2010-10-24T12:55:00.001-04:00

Well I finally got me a fill, and boy is there a difference. Now I know what is meant by “restriction”. I think I have to back off the solid foods a bit and stick with soft foods for a few more days….but this will definitely kick off the weight loss.

However, I’m feeling like I won’t be able to take my vitamins anymore (and why are they always such huge pills?!). I could cut my multis in half….but what to do with the fish oil pills?! THAT would be gross. I’ve been diligent about taking them up to this point, because I’ve read they’re really good to help prevent hair loss. I had bought some chewable Vitamin D pills before surgery so I’ve been taking those too. I’ll have to see if I can take these in a few days.

Been back to the gym several times. After my leg day I was sooo sore I could hardly walk for two days (hip ad/abductors!). I’ve got the new class schedule too so I’m going to start going back to my BodyCombat classes.

Today we’re having a family dinner and I suspect I won’t be able to eat much…..but that’s what I wanted, right? Enjoy your Sunday!

quick check in

2010-10-15T12:20:00.001-04:00

I’m alive, just not up to much. Actually have been working (had three discoveries last week) and finally made it to the gym (not as bad as I’d thought it would be, although I did have to lower the weights 5-10 lbs; amazing how quickly you lose it). This weekend I have the house to myself and just plan to work on transcripts, go to the gym, maybe have some wine….

busy busy

2010-10-05T16:08:00.001-04:00

I’ve just been so busy lately. Work has really picked up for me (I have three depositions this week, and then the transcripts), which is great. I’m just….not really happy with working with my teacher/boss. She seems to have no qualms about contacting me at any hour of the day (she made me meet up with her other employee Sunday night at 7:30pm to pick up equipment, and tonight I have to meet her at 6:45 at the college to exchange some files). Seriously? There has to be some sort of line drawn. I only work because I have to, not because I love it. I work to live life! I don’t want to be on call 24/7. Ug.

And two of these three depositions were so last minute, it just stresses me out. I haven’t been able to sleep (maybe 3-4 hours a night), my brain just won’t stop working.

I’ve been okay with my eating this week, trying to be a good little bandster and follow my rules. This past weekend was TERRIBLE. I ate like I had no band. And it seems my clinic has all these hoops you have to jump through to get a fill (which I didn’t know when I decided to go there)….it’s a huge process. OH! And two of these jobs made me have to move my dietician appointment (which I HAVE to go to apparently for THEM to determine if I need a fill), TWICE! I’m pretty pissed off.

Ug, I think I’m just grumpy today! Glee tonight will pick me up. And tomorrow I’m just working from home, so I can sleep in a bit. It’ll also be my return to the gym tomorrow! Yikes. And, I’m going laptop shopping. I have the money in my savings….but I need it and I can write it off. But I’m still broke!

a bit of a downer

2010-09-27T12:17:00.001-04:00

I don’t like posting just for the sake of posting (although I have in the past and that’s kind of what this is, no? lol). But nothing’s really been happening. Working a bit (it’s looking like I might be getting more which would be great), hanging out. I started walking this week, and next week I’m going back to the gym (although at this point I really could use that $60 a month…but I guess I’m worth it).

I’m struggling with food, what else is new. However much easier I thought things would be now with the band, well, they’re not. I’m mad at myself and at the band. I’m meeting with the dietician next Monday and I will say/do whatever I have to to get a fill. I think that will help.

Things are just chugging along…

2010-09-20T12:52:00.001-04:00

So what’s up?

- I’m working….sort of. My “boss/ex-boss/teacher” has given me some part-time work. So I’m working on a decent-sized transcript right now. At least it’s something. Last week I applied to the private firms and another government job….in Barrie. It’s a city about 1.25 hours north of Toronto (well, where I live in Toronto). If I got it, I would have to move. Might be a good thing for me. But also one of my best friends from university lives there, so I would get to see her more.

- Dinner with the Ex was fun. Nothing happened. We just talked, laughed, and had a sub-par dinner at Springrolls.

- This week my friend Jen (went to San Diego with her) is off work, so we’re going to a matinee Wednesday. Also we’re having lunch/shopping with our friend who’s on mat leave on Friday. So some fun stuff this week too.

- Weight is slowly coming down. Too slow for my liking, but then, I still have (mental) work to do. This process is still all me. The band is not a quick or easy fix. You still have to do the work.

a little of this, a little of that.

2010-09-14T15:18:00.001-04:00

Still no job, but to be honest, I haven’t been looking. Just relaxing. Soon I must update my resume & send it out (I have found several private firms in Toronto that I’m going to apply to). And hopefully something will work out soon; my first payment comes out in October.

Met with the registered dietician yesterday. Nothing really new or astounding. But she did give me some strategies for working with the band. However, I have to go back in three weeks and THEN we discuss my need for a fill. I think I’m going to need one, just by the way things are going.

I’m having dinner with the ex on Thursday…..just as friends. We haven’t really talked all summer….I believe staying friends is for the best.

Nothing much else really to report. I need to get out more!

no job

2010-09-06T12:53:00.001-04:00

As I had suspected, I no longer have a job. My “boss” informed me this morning that there isn’t going to be as much work as she was promised (she SAYS….I think something else is going on, but whatever) so she won’t be able to keep me on. I knew already that she was pretty flaky, and I think at least this will keep me from having more issues down the road. But I suspect more than that is going on, for some reason (because when I met with her before my surgery, she said how she was going to be putting ads in lawyer magazines and eventually she wanted me to manage the business, etc.). She also told my friend from my class that she doesn’t have a job either (which really sucks because she’s a single mom with two teens…she really needs money too).

So I’m pretty bummed….but I somehow felt this wasn’t going to be the right place for me. Now I’m back to really looking for work…I may wait another week until I’m feeling 100% and then go all out.

The scale keeps dropping a bit more each day…yay! Now I really gotta find a way to pay for this surgery…

i actually lost weight!

2010-09-03T22:36:00.001-04:00

Last official weekend of “summer” (here in Toronto, that means the last weekend of the Canadian National Exhibition) is going to be crappy weather. I’m going to a three-year-old’s birthday-pool party tomorrow, and I doubt there will be much swimming. In fact I think I will have to wear pants and a hoodie!

Also, I will have to sit around and watch everyone eat cake. That doesn’t bother me too much actually. But the party is held at my best friend’s parents’ house (where she used to have all her birthday parties every summer for years, even up into her 30s). Her mom makes an amazing pasta salad, and she always says she makes it because I love it. Well I hope she didn’t make it this year (I’m sure my friend probably told her mom about the surgery which is okay) because I can’t eat it.

I should just take comfort in my 10.6 lb weight loss this week (the only plus side to a liquid diet!). Now I have to figure out a way to start getting some more fibre in my diet if you know what I mean….I think there’s some lovely post-op approved prune juice in the fridge. Yum.

hello!

2010-08-31T18:34:00.001-04:00

Hi all! Well I’m doing much better. Mostly just my port is sore (and black and blue!) and I still have some gas in my chest. Otherwise I’m doing pretty good. Except SO hungry. Tomorrow I’ll be downing protein shakes like there’s no tomorrow, lol. I can’t wait.

I’m glad I haven’t been working full time because it’s allowed me to be able to take it easy and heal. I called Service Canada today and made sure my benefits would continue now that I’m finished school (they will until December; I was under a “training allowance” but they had my program finish date on file so things should roll over without a problem). That’s great because it’ll allow me to still receive that money while seeing if this job will be enough full time to make some money. I’m still apply at some ministry jobs if I see them; they usually take months to hear back from anyways.

I’m happy & proud of myself; final marks came in and I was able to keep my GPA over 4.0. Probably the highest in the class ;-).

I’ve been walking a bit to relieve gas pain, but nothing major. I walked over to the grocery store today & when I came back, my side was a bit painful (it’s not far, sadly). I probably won’t be able to get back to the gym for 6-8 weeks, which worries me a bit; I don’t want to lose too much muscle. I’ll have to verify that length of time with the clinic.

me so hungy

2010-08-28T22:56:00.001-04:00

I’ve been doing not much since the surgery. I didn’t expect I’d feel this much pain at the incision sites or be this hungry. I am seriously hungry, like painful hungry. I’m only allowed clear liquids until Tuesday, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through!

So nothing much else is going on here, just going to rest up for the rest of the weekend. Hope you’re having fun out there!

2010-08-25T22:45:00.001-04:00

School is done! And I’ve started working. So far it’s not looking like it’s gonna bring in much money, but we’ll see. My boss is intimating that she’s going to want me to manage the business eventually. We’ll see if that happens. I like to be loyal, but man…I have huge bills. I need money coming in ASAP.

Two days. I can’t wait. I’m nervous about after (controlling my “head hunger”) but I’ll get there.

I’m posting measurements (eeek) on my other blog so check that out if you want!

I’m edu-ma-cated!

2010-08-20T00:00:00.001-04:00

Just played my last baseball game of the regular season (still playoffs, and all the teams play). We lost, but it was fun. There is a really cute guy on my team, but I don’t know him at all, not even sure of his status (single or what). Apparently he’s out of town for the playoff games, so I may not see him again until next season. But I’ll be a lot thinner then, so more confidence and maybe I will talk to him about something other than baseball!

Back to the gym and I’m REALLY feeling it. My legs are killing me (almost not in a good way!). But I plan to go tomorrow after my FINAL EXAM EVER! I’ll probably do an upper body workout.

Yes, that’s right, my last final is tomorrow. I’m super happy about it. It’s not like they’ve been hard, but I’m just totally ready to be done. After four post-secondary degrees/diplomas, I think I’m done with school. If I have to take training relating to my career that’s different. But hopefully this will be a career I’ll stick with for a long while!

Otherwise not much new to report. Clean diet starts tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I can stick to it for a week. That’s it….because a week tomorrow at 9am (the time got moved up) I’m having the surgery that’ll change my life. And I can’t wait.

2010-08-15T21:34:00.001-04:00

Today we had the memorial for my best friends’ dad. My other two friends & I (we call ourselves “the fab four”, lol…we go back to high school almost *gulp* 20 years ago!) handled all the food and refreshments. Everything went well…our mothers got in on the food action as well and I’m sure my mom will be thrilled to know her egg salad was gone first (not that it’s a competition or anything!). My friend held up very well and of course was very appreciative…but of course we would do this for her. It wasn’t even a question and she didn’t even have to ask.

So it was kind of a melancholy day, and now I have finals (seven exams this week). Can’t wait for this week to be over!

I am officially “employed” and am a court report (soon to be certified)! It’s a private firm, and I’m considered self employed, but also if I want to look for other work, I can. We’ll see how much my boss is able to give me…but I have a big deposition on September 7 as well as many transcripts to be done. Hopefully it goes well!

Four days until I start my pre-op diet. I can’t wait for my surgery. I just know it’s going to help me get to where I want to go.

Well it’s a thunderstorm out there so I’m gonna post this in case the power goes out!

fo sho

2010-08-09T22:44:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is a crazy day at school so I’m getting up Wednesday morning and going to the gym before class. There, I said it!

2010-08-05T23:39:00.001-04:00

I’m glad it’s Friday tomorrow! I have been sleeping like crap all week, not sure why. It makes me cranky.

I had to skip my baseball game tonight because I just have too much school work and not time as the weekend is very busy with social events. Tomorrow night I get together with my girlfriends from university for drinks and rummoli. Saturday I’m out with my friend from school as it’s her 40th birthday. Sunday my parents are having their extended relatives over for a BBQ, which I will be avoiding at all costs (sleeping and finishing my big project, which I think I did finish tonight but I left time for it Sunday night too).

My new “boss” (prof, whatever) is bringing me my first transcript tomorrow. I’m also signing an employment contract with her, writing a bio for her website, and she’s asked me to do a deposition already! So, I guess it really is a “real” job….and I need to buy a laptop now. Good thing I did that allergy study! I’m meeting with her after class tomorrow to go over more details.

I haven’t been to the gym in about 3 weeks, which I feel really badly about….next week I should have time to go a few times. I do miss it.

ups and downs

2010-08-01T22:00:00.001-04:00

It’s been kind of a bittersweet long weekend, as one of my best friends’ fathers lost his long battle with cancer on Friday. This is the friend I went to San Diego with. They actually got many more months with him as he outlasted the diagnosis by a long shot. However, in the last few days he deteriorated rapidly, and Friday morning he was gone. My friend is very upset, of course, but also they’re relived he’s not suffering anymore.

So Saturday I went to lunch with her and another friend, and am going out again tomorrow with her and a different friend. Just to hang out, keep her thoughts off things. They will probably have a memorial service in 2-3 weeks, which will be hard.

I finished my cat allergy study last night. Whew, big sigh of relief there! I seriously doubt I would do another study (I did this one because I was in desperate need of money, back in January). I get my last $1000 this week. I’m feeling pretty shitty physically, still. But I think I may have developed another condition as I’m having pains in my esophogus/chest which is probably costochondritis (my mom had it before and she has some medicated salve which you rub on your chest). Ug, so along with major allergy symptoms (I definitely didn’t get the vaccine!) I’m feeling crappy that way.

However, one of my profs (who has her own court/verbatim recording company) offered me a job on Friday also (it was really up and down on Friday!). To start it would be doing transcriptions of police interviews at home, and I’ll take it! Not too much money to begin with ($2 per page, going up to $3 per page which is the standard) but moreso the experience. I’m flattered also that I’m the only one in the class she asked (although my class is mostly full of idiots, so….maybe that’s not saying much!); I’m also the only one interested in this type of work as well, I think. But, yay!

And since I’ll be doing it at home, my surgery shouldn’t interfere too much. I’ll still be looking for a more permanent job, but at least it’s a start.

Yesterday was my dad’s birthday, but because I was in the chamber we got together today and all went out to Mandarin. Boy, was it yummy but I think we all overate of course! Luckily, this should be my last buffet for a long while.

Well, I think the carb/fat overload plus the wine I had today is really knocking me out, so I’m turning in early tonight. Hope you’re enjoying your long weekend!

check it out!

2010-07-29T07:52:00.001-04:00

Check out *Ms. Bitch Cakes* blog today, she made it to goal! You should be following her anyways, as she’s super-honest, funny, witty and beautiful! Hurray Sheryl!!

what’s new?

2010-07-28T12:00:00.001-04:00

Had our last court visit today and there ended up being a mix-up, so we just went downtown and came home (waste of $9!). I definitely liked that court location (College Park, come up out of the subway and you’re there!)….I’m hoping this hiring freeze ends soon so my applications will move forward.

Start my cat dander chamber visits tonight. Imagine sitting in a round room with about 30 other people, in coveralls and hairnets, while fans blow air filled with cat dander all around. Doesn’t it sound like paradise?? haha. That’s going to be my next four evenings (I have to be inside for three hours at a time).

This weekend it’s my dad’s birthday, and we’re taking him to Mandarin Chinese Buffet. Can’t wait! It’s the crab festival too. Probably the last time I will visit a buffet for a long time, since soon it won’t be worth my while….

It’s less than a month now until my lap band surgery! I’m sooo excited. I wish it was sooner. But this way I’ll be done school, and probably not working, so I can have the surgery and recover before I start working. I really need this because I’ve chucked all control out the window for sure.

Happy Wednesday!

I’m alive!

2010-07-25T17:23:00.001-04:00

I just survived my nephew’s 6th birthday party. About 15 4-8 year olds….craziness. I avoided cake though.

Last night I spent at my friend’s house while she watched her two nephews and her own daughters. Since it poured rain we weren’t able to BBQ, and the kids all wanted to order Chinese food (never mind who was paying!). So we did….wasn’t the greatest choices. We didn’t end up drinking very much either (yay for less calories and no hangover) because we both have a lot of homework due for this week, as well as I had the party.

This week I have Monday – quiz; Tuesday – 2 quizzes and assignment, and a midterm; Thursday - midterm. We were supposed to also have a midterm on Friday but it ended up being the surprise one this past Friday. I think after this, it should be pretty light until finals. Last Thursday I also had a midterm in my Family Law class that I didn’t think I did well on…but I got the highest mark in the class (90%, go me!).

I haven’t been to the gym since LAST Friday (the 16th) and I don’t think I can go again until Tuesday (after my hell day). My groin is healing quite well but I think I’ll do a big upper body workout to avoid re-injury.

Also…*dum dum dum*…..it’s the final week in the Cat Chamber (Wednesday to Saturday). That study is OVER (and it’ll be my last one). The nice thing is I will finally get the rest of the money (they still owe me half, it’s over $1000), which I can put towards my monthly payments for the band and pay down my credit cards. Hopefully as a bonus my cat allergies will no longer bother me!

Well, as I made my parents leave the party as SOON as it was over (so I could get home to do my schoolwork) I’d better start doing said schoolwork!

yay weekend

2010-07-23T21:26:00.001-04:00

Last night at baseball I think I injured my groin, lol. On both sides, but mostly the right. It was really bad last night, better today. Very strange; I didn’t stretch but I also didn’t stretch last week and I did more running then than this week. It’s pain down the front of the hip, basically. Hurts to lift my leg.

Aside from that interesting news, not too much going on. School is winding down soon (three weeks of classes left!) and professors are realizing they’re really behind on our quizzes/midterms. So, when I got home from baseball at 11:30, I needed to study for a surprise midterm today. Great fun. Luckily it was open book and of course, I did really well. Wouldn’t surprise me if someone still failed it, though. That’s just how my class rolls.

Busy Saturday/Sunday this week. Tomorrow I’m going to my friend from school’s sister’s house in Ajax (do you follow? haha) as I did in June….hopefully won’t overdo it too much because I have to go to my nephew’s sixth birthday party the next day (ug). A room of screaming kids with a hangover? Just shoot me now!

Next week is my final visits to the cat chamber for the allergy study, yay. Double yay because I get the rest of the money they’re paying me for it! Which, with my new expenditure, I can really use!

passin’ on the love

2010-07-21T21:59:00.001-04:00

So, as promised, here is me “paying it forward” for this recent blog award I received:

The rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award
Tell 7 things about yourself
Nominate 15 NEW bloggers for the award and pass it on to them
Notify said bloggers that they have received the award.

Ok, here goes:

1. THANK YOU Emilia for this award! Made me smile for sure.

2. SEVEN things about myself: (um…..hm…..)

a. I have one younger brother, who’s married with two kids.

b. My parents are both only children, and all my grandparents are gone. Small family, but we are very close.

c. I live with my parents, for the third time. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to go back to college (I paid myself) or have my lap band in August (again, paying for it myself; however my housing expenses are pretty low). I’m a little embarrassed about it when I meet new people (especially men) because, hey, I’m in my 30s. But it’s working for me right now.

d. I really want to do a lot more travelling. I’ve let my weight stop me for years (I definitely wasn’t going to a beach looking like I do!), and I feel confident that next year, that feeling will be GONE! I can’t wait.

e. I’ve never even had a cavity, so I’m a little nervous about the anaesthetic during the surgery. I’m sure it’ll be fine.

f. I’ve made really bad choices with the men in my past (picked the WRONG men!). My last ex wasn’t a bad guy, we just wouldn’t really work together. I’m hopefully that Mr. Right IS out there….I love the idea of soul mates but am not sure that it’s real. However, sometimes I just think “somewhere, he’s out there doing whatever”….I guess I’m a bit of a romantic!

g. I lovvve weight lifting and hatttte cardio. That’s why I do classes; I figure I’m stuck in there for an hour and I’d be too embarrassed to leave. Ends up working out well!

3. 15 bloggers to pass this on to (this is going to be the hardest part!):

Erin at My Personal Weight Loss Journey (btw Erin I can’t comment on your blog?!)

Tammy at Tammy's Tale

Tricia at Fight Fat Phobia (I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I still love ya!)

Vilese at The Big Girl Chronicles

Becca at Imma Point Countin'

Amanda at Amanda's Waning

Tessie Rose at Band me Baby!

Caroline at Finally Going to Finish What I've Started

Erin at Glam, Glitz & Gut

Fat Girl vs World at I go through life in inches and pounds

jafg at I'm Just Another Fat Girl

Beth at I'm ready to become the woman I want to be for the Rest of my Life

Liz at Mine & Betty's LapBand Journey!

Prettyface at Not Just A Pretty Face

Once a Model, Now a Waddle

So, that’s it! Pass on the love, ladies!

quicky!

2010-07-19T16:02:00.001-04:00

Thank you to the lovely Emilia for a blog award:

I will get around to posting properly about it! I love awards, this is my second! Thank you so much!

Not much new in these parts……doing well in school and eating not great. I think because I have my surgery scheduled I kind of feel like I have a licence to eat whatever I want. Not good, and I don’t want to be that way. So I’m still working on changing my habits, which will make the transition after the band easier too!

2010-07-17T14:49:00.001-04:00

Thursday night I had my first baseball game since last spring! It actually went pretty well; I hit 2/3 and even scored a run. We still lost. But Friday I felt soreness in muscles I didn’t know I had!

Then Friday after class I went to the gym for a killer full body session. I’m hurting today. Even my left hand…I think from gripping the hand weights. It’s a good feeling, though.

Last night I had dinner & theatre with my three best friends. We saw Legally Blonde: The Musical, and I have to say, if you have a chance to see this, do! It was fabulous! Sooo funny and the songs were really catchy. Very cute musical.

And….I told them about my surgery. Of course they were supportive and asked me questions. One friend said she was fascinated by it. My other friend (who I went to San Diego with) was very quiet after I told them, and I’m not sure why. She does struggle with her weight too, although she is very fit.

Anyhow, it went well and I’m glad they know. Now when we go out after the surgery, I won’t have any questions about my (now different) eating habits. But I don’t mind if they have questions; I’ll answer them the best I can.

Not sure I’m doing too much today….it’s already almost 3pm and I’m still in my pyjamas! I actually woke up at noon. I was really tired from Thursday night (we had a late game, it was super hot and dirty, plus the mosquitoes were really bad so I had to shower when I got home….then stayed up a bit to watch Big Brother and let my hair dry; after 1am by the time I go to bed and I got up at like 8:30 Friday morning). I think I’m going to shower shortly and then go do some errands.

Enjoy your weekend!

lovely picture

2010-07-14T19:04:00.000-04:00

This morning we had another scheduled one on one court visit. It was interesting. I shadowed the court monitor (which is the job I want to have). This was at one of the court houses I applied to for a job, back in March. Also talked to the Supervisor of Court Operations, and he said there is a hiring freeze on right now. Great. So, at least I know I'm not out of the running for a job; it's just moving at government pace (suuuper slow!).

I've been slacking on the gym this week, which isn't good. I think it's because I know I have the surgery coming up...but I should be still working out as hard as ever, to prevent (or do as much as I can to prevent it!) saggy skin after the weight loss. I need to keep filling those areas with muscle.

I found this beautiful picture of my mom and I in my baby book while I was looking for pictures to document my weight over the years. Thought it was too cute not to share! I "stole" the picture and I'm going to put it in a frame.

I am putting together that post for my other blog, probably tomorrow. Tonight I really have to start studying for that midterm tomorrow!

slow week

2010-07-12T15:53:00.001-04:00

So yesterday my brother, sis-in-law and the kids unexpectedly came down for dinner. I told them about my procedure at dinner. Although, I’m not sure my brother was paying attention, as he didn’t say anything….anyways, my sis-in-law asked me more about it, and was fine with it. Not that it’s really going to affect everyone else anyways, but this way I don’t have to constantly be asked about why I’m eating the way I am.

This Friday before theatre I’m going to tell my three BBFs. We spend a lot of time together and go out to eat when we do (or food is involved somehow) so I want them to know. A little nervous about telling them, I don’t know why. They’re always supportive.

Not much going on this week…it’s light on schoolwork (mid-term Thursday but that’s it) which is good. I’m going to try to get at least two gym visits in. Always feel better after…sometimes the motivation to get there is the hardest part!

relief

2010-07-09T20:13:00.001-04:00

Thank you all for such kind words of support. I really appreciate it!

I told my parents tonight after dinner. They reacted as I suspected they would – dad concerned about the money, mom concerned about me & surgery. Pretty sure they’ll both be coming with me the day of to surgery! I didn’t expect a negative reaction, but I feel relief regardless. I will also tell my brother & sister-in-law, and probably my close friends. That’s about it. The rest of people I know don’t need to know these details (except I will tell people I’ve never met in real life! lol But you all have an understanding of struggling to lose weight, and I do feel like we know each other).

Anyhow! Last night I went to dinner with my girlfriends, as our friend Andrea in San Diego was back for a visit. We went to Baton Rouge, and it was icky. Yuck. Only one of the five of us enjoyed our dinner (and it wasn’t me). I did enjoy the girl time, but I feel kind of like the conversation was monopolized by my two girlfriends with kids.

I didn’t tell them about the surgery then, but I probably will later. We have theatre tickets next Friday (our last of the season is Legally Blonde, can’t wait!) and will do dinner first; I may tell them then. I just don’t know how to bring it up, aside from blurting it out. We’ll see.

Today after my exam (another easy one!) I hit the gym for some weights. Tomorrow I’ll probably get up and go to Body Combat. Tomorrow night I’m going to see the band Hole with a friend. I love a busy day. Sunday, I have no plans but some schoolwork, and maybe working on my terribly uneven tan lines.

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

here it is

2010-07-08T15:59:00.003-04:00

So. Since I made a huge decision, I will let you all in on it.

If you have been following me for any length of time, you probably wonder “why doesn’t she post weigh-ins? Or post her weight?” Well, that is because of shame. While initially this blog started as mostly a weight loss blog (and has morphed into more of a health/weight loss/life blog), I have not lost any weight. In fact, I am heavier now than when I started. Much heavier (I think). I’m almost back up to my all time high (that was 268, btw). I’m currently 257lbs.

Today I had a meeting with a counsellor at Slimband. I pretty much knew I wanted to do it before I went in, but after talking to my fabulous counsellor, I did it. I signed up and put a deposit down. It’s happening on August 27. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a year, and seriously thinking about for the past few months. I can’t wait any longer to lose this weight!

I am sorry if this means I will lose some of you as followers (if you don’t agree with what I’m doing, or whatever). Everyone has to follow their own path, and this is mine. I am so so tired of this weight struggle. The band will be an awesome tool to help me finally get rid of this 100 lbs forever.

And as for seeing it as “the easy way out”? WTF is all I say to that. I am having SURGERY. I am restricting forever the way I am able to eat, and I must change that forever. I don’t see this as easier, just perhaps more helpful.

I thank you for your support. Really. If you choose to stop being a part of my life then I’m sorry for that, but you gotta do what you gotta do. This is what I gotta do.
So I’ve created an additional blog, that will focus mostly on my band journey. This blog will still stay what it is – health, life, happiness. My lapband blog is here: Blossom Banded.

And remember what your mother said: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all! I'd appreciate it!

Thanks, Blossom xo

been thinking….always dangerous!

2010-07-07T19:22:00.002-04:00

Not too much going on, still soldiering through this heat wave. School is going well; the ethics exam turned out to be easy because she let us have our review sheets open during it. I’m sure some people will still fail it.

So I have been thinking long and hard about my weight loss “journey” (more like “struggle” or “failure”, even), and am coming to some decisions. I just feel like I’m at the end of my rope. I haven’t been below 200 lbs in more than eight years (2002 is as far back as my Fitday account goes, and it keeps track of past weights. The lowest was 219 in August 2008). Right now I am at one of my higher points (still not at my highest, but not that far away from it either). I need more help than just your standardized weight loss program can give.

I have an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow. I may or may not report on it right away, depending how I feel about this meeting. But I must change something. I can’t do it by myself anymore. I haven’t told anyone about this yet (still researching and waiting for this meeting). I deserve to be happy with myself, just as we all do. I consider the pain I would go through worth it to reach my goals and be happier (hey I did learn something in ethics – Utiliarianism ethics, there ya go!).

Anyhow, dinner with my girls tomorrow, that’s always fun. Hopefully the talk won’t centre around kids the whole time. It’s three-two no kids, so we outnumber ‘em!

what’s going on

2010-07-05T18:44:00.001-04:00

We’re in the midst of a heat wave until Thursday, and half the city is without power. It’s currently over 43 degrees with the humidity (that’s 109 for you ‘Mericans) and hazy. Luckily I’m in the part of the city with power still. But the heat is sucking all the life out of me and I feel weak and tired.

The BBQ on Saturday was cancelled so I went down to check out Pride Saturday night with a girlfriend. It was interesting; the streets were closed off so we walked around, had some drinks. At 12:30 my brother came in his undercover police car and drove us home, which was awesome. Saved me money on a cab.

My friend who I went to visit in San Diego is back in town this week so we girls are getting together on Thursday for a leisurely dinner at Baton Rouge which should be good. Always look forward to time with my girls.

And this Saturday I’m going to see the band Hole. I’m not really into them (but know their music from my 90’s clubbing days) but my friend’s hubby doesn’t want to go so I luck out and get a free ticket. Should be an experience anyways.

It’s a busy week plus I have some transcripts to do and two midterms – ETHICS tomorrow, ug. Such an annoying class. I’m tired of school and want to work and earn money again!

love the weekend

2010-07-02T20:01:00.003-04:00

The movie was….meh (don’t kill me die-hard fans!). Quite cheesy in parts. But it was a good afternoon with my girlfriends.

Aside from the movie popcorn, today’s eating has been great. I BBQ’d a sirloin and a yellow zucchini for dinner, and later I’ll have some strawberries. We’ve been getting them from Whittamore's Farm and they are super-ripe and delicious. I love that they’re local too (well, a 20 minute drive, but it’s pretty local).

Tomorrow I will be going to a BBQ at my friends’ place. They live two streets over so I’ll be walking there and back. Should be fun but hopefully the discussion all won’t centre around kids.

My new neighbours are having some loud, obnoxious discussions. At least, one guy is. Dude, shut up already! I don’t need to know your business!

2010-07-01T19:10:00.002-04:00

Well, so far I sure haven’t gotten up to much! My parents are away today & tomorrow, and I’m enjoying a quiet house. I rented a couple of movies, so nothing too exciting.

Tomorrow I’m braving the crazy Twihards to see Eclipse with a couple of girlfriends. They’re way into it, I’m not. I have read the books (meh) but didn’t see New Moon. I think I was totally turned off the movie series because I watched Twilight with my ex & his kids, and it turned into a bad experience (boring details). I’m mostly going to hang with my girlfriends anyways. I used my Scene points so I’m seeing it for free anyhow!

Saturday I may go to a little BBQ at a friends’ place, depending how many others are going (it may not happen otherwise). Aside from that, I’m going to fit a couple of gym visits in there.

Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canucks! And Happy 4th this weekend to my American friends!

Oh, and to those who commented on my last post asking me things, I answered in the comments!

so and so

2010-06-29T22:42:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow I have to be up extra early to get to family court for first appearance court….the only good thing is that we will be done very early as well. I’m carpooling with a couple of friends so hopefully parking won’t be too crazy.

Cat study injections = DONE! Someone was saying they were interested in what it was I was doing….I’m participating in a study for a cat allergy medication here. I just finished my eight rounds of injections, and at the end of July I go back into the cat dander chamber (which is about as fun as it sounds!) to measure changes in my symptoms (was in it in March as well, before the injections). I believe I’m actually getting the vaccine, because I’m having some symptoms afterwards. I’m in it for the money, really, and if I get some medical benefit out of it too, that’s all the better.

So I have a four-day weekend again, yay! Thursday is Canada Day, and the college is closed on Friday. Not sure what I’m going to do with all this time off!

no more school!

2010-06-27T20:22:00.001-04:00

You’d think at my age I’d have found my “career”. Well, I think I have…NOW. It only took 17 years, one round of university, two rounds of college and one year of esthetics school! Definitely, this is IT. I’m tired of homework!

I’m working on my ethics assignment (HATE!), and making study notes for a quiz tomorrow. Tuesday we have a big midterm (but the questions are all coming from the study guide we have, which has all the answers, so it should be easy). I did get 96% on my computer midterm I wrote the day I left for SD (and the class average was less than 50%!).

I was pretty happy with myself at dinner tonight. Pop BBQ’d some really nice t-bones, and instead of eating the whole thing (they were giant) I cut a proper portion size off. Had it with half a baked potato and a big grilled yellow zucchini. Perfection!

Tomorrow I have my final injection for the cat study, yay! Then I don’t have to go back until July 28-31, for a final round in the cat chamber. I don’t think I’ll be doing another medical study.

Oh, and because I was honest on my latest EI report, about being out of the country, my payment will now be withheld up to 21 days. @#$%&*. Next time, I just won’t say anything!

Yeah this is kind of all over the place tonight!

2010-06-27T08:05:00.001-04:00

Not too much going on over here. Went and did a huge workout yesterday at the gym, two hours. I did full body weights and then some cardio. I listened to an audio book on my IPod while walking…seemed to make the time go faster. I dunno, anything to make the time pass by!

I don’t know why I’m up so early today (6:30, arg!). Just had some eggs and whole wheat toast…I think I’ll go for a walk with my audio book (muscles are pretty sore today). Have some studying and another stupid ethics paper to do today. What a waste of time that class is.

Friday I went for lunch with one of my professors from last semester and two of my friends from school. We’re considered the “good group”, I suppose. We filled her in on what’s been going on and got some insider gossip from her.

Oh, how I wish I was still back here:

back to reality.

2010-06-24T12:55:00.002-04:00

So I’m tired from the jet lag, and have an upset stomach right now, but had a great time! Here’s some pics from the trip:

Me with my boy Bill on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! We had a lot of fun there, seeing all the tourist-y things.

Me with my girlfriends Andrea (on the left; we went to visit her) and Jen (right), at La Jolla Beach.

My feet in the warm sand at Coronado Beach. Ahh…..

Jen (R) and I after a long day at the San Diego Zoo….a little sunburned, a little tired. But happy!

And I lost about a pound over the week….we walked a ton but I ate (and drank) a lot….now the detox begins!

Well I need a nap. No school tomorrow, so a three day weekend. Can’t wait to relax.

having a blast!

2010-06-20T21:23:00.001-04:00

Just nipped onto my friends' computer to check email. I'm having an amazing time. We went to Los Angeles/Hollywood yesterday and did all the tourist-y things (lots of pictures!). Of course, there's been great shopping. Tonight we're just hanging in, grilling. Tomorrow we'll do a trolley tour of downtown San Diego....there's so much to do!

Back on Wednesday!

test email

2010-06-17T10:52:00.002-04:00

Just testing quickly to see if updating from my email works. If so you may be treated to updates while I'm away!

See you on the flip side!

two days!

2010-06-14T22:03:00.001-04:00

There’s just not been too much going on in my neck of the woods lately! Not in a bad way, or a great way. Just really looking forward to going to San Diego on Thursday, and making sure I have everything I need.

It actually worked out really well with school; one of my teachers (she teaches us three classes) is actually going to be away too, so all her classes are going to be cancelled. I’m not going to miss too much. My teachers have all been great to me about it, because I’m a good student (they’ve heard from last semester’s teachers), come to class, don’t cheat. I’m even getting an exception in one class (she’s letting me make up an assignment I’ll miss). So looks like I will be able to relax while on vacation too!

Lord knows, when I come back, it’s no more bullshit with my eating. Unfortunately, I’ve GAINED weight lately. Its terrible. I have no restraint and I don’t know why. I’m a “secret eater/binger”, so I’m at least not worried about overeating too much while I’m away; being around other people always keeps me in check (don’t want them to know how piggy I am). But I’m even getting sick of myself. Something’s got to give.

Anyways! I’m going to go and have a great time with friends. I’ll deal with my brain when I come back….

one week to go!

2010-06-09T19:32:00.001-04:00

So excited!! And now I am super happy because I went shopping and picked up some things I needed to go away. Mainly, I found black leggings (and they suck in your gut, too). I always said I wouldn’t wear leggings at this weight, but I have some cute long tops, and I think it’s a comfy yet stylish summer look. Hopefully I won’t look like a whale.

I also took advantage of a “buy 2, get one free” coupon I had for bras at The Bay. I am surprised that I was able to go up a cup size (now a C, yay!). However, these bras are all ultra-padded, so that’s probably why they fit (or my boobs are getting bigger; not a good thing, as that means I’m not losing weight! I’m avoiding the scale lately… :-( ).

But, I am super-stoked for this trip, and am not going to worry that I’m (nowhere near) not at goal. I am going to enjoy myself, and shop for my current size. I always put off buying cute clothes, because “I’m going to lose weight so soon they won’t fit!”. Yeah, well, that hasn’t been going so well lately. So, if I see something cute and it looks good, I’m buyin’ it!

going back to cali…..

2010-06-05T13:05:00.001-04:00

Just had a great back/biceps workout at the gym, followed by cardio. My arms still feel like jelly. But it feels great. Thursday I’m having a free 90-minute session with my trainer, so that’ll be awesome. Unfortunately my motivation has dropped since I’ve stopped seeing him, and I’m going to bring that back!

This afternoon I’m heading up to Barrie to my friend’s house. Our other friend (of the fabulous trio – we’re the card players) can’t make it, so I’ll just be chilling there. I have to escape the craziness of the Lobsterfest, which is today. We won’t be partying hard or anything, and I’m sure we’ll be in bed before midnight (my friend has three kids now!). Which is fine because I have to be back by 10am to get ready for the baby shower tomorrow. Fun (not really, but I’m happy for my friend. Plus, cake!).

Oh! And I am going to San Diego June 17-23! Definite! We bought the plane tickets yesterday! I can’t wait! But I have so much to do (and buy, although for sure there will be plenty of shopping down there), I’m trying to organize myself. Anyone have any “must see” places? I’m visiting a friend who’s lived there for three years so we’ll get the “local tour”, but still, any suggestions welcome!

2010-06-04T08:37:00.001-04:00

So the movie was pretty good. Not as good as the first one (which one is!) but still cute and entertaining. And the clothes! Some of them were just outrageous, but some were so beautiful. I guess that’s what you can do with a $10 million clothing budget!

I’m pretty sure San Diego is happening! Talked to one of my profs yesterday, he said no worries. The other two I had emailed, but they didn’t get back to me. One I will talk to in class today, and the other, well, I’m just going to chance it. I don’t have anything written in my datebook about a test on those days, so I’ll just have to cross my fingers. There was a lot of stuff going on last semester, with the dumb-ass students in my class just skipping tests and then expecting to get to make it up. Now for this semester they’ve implemented all these policies (no make-ups, no late assignments) which kind of sucks….because if I needed to have a make-up I would probably end up getting screwed even though I’m probably the best student in the class. So we’ll see what happens.

My friend is buying the tickets today. And I’ve already decided I’m going to take LOTS of pictures (usually I can’t be bothered), so you’ll all get inundated! lol

This weekend is pretty busy. Today after class I have to get my nails done, then hit the gym (going to be going hardcore until I leave; only two weeks as we leave on the 18th, but better than nothing!). Tomorrow a Body Combat class in the morning, then the big lobster party, then I’m heading up to Barrie overnight to visit friends. Sunday I have to get back early as I have the baby shower. But should be a fun weekend!

Enjoy yours!

trip?

2010-06-02T20:40:00.001-04:00

I’m not sure if I mentioned here, but my good friend Jen had asked me to house sit while her and her husband went down to San Diego to visit our friend Andrea. Turns out, now her husband is not going, and they’ve (her and Andrea) have asked me if I want to come. It’s kind of at an awkward time (I’d miss four days of school), but I do have the money, and I’ve been promising Andrea I’d come to visit them for forever (they’ve lived down there….I’d say, three years now?).

I’m pretty sure I’m going to do it. No more waiting “until I’m thinner”, or for “the right time” (whenever that is). It’s been years since I’ve taken a vacation. I always put these things off, waiting.

I wrote emails to my professors to see if they can let me know if they have scheduled any tests for those days. Hopefully, not. If there are assignments I will do them early so that shouldn’t be a problem.

I’m super-excited….there will be girly time, shopping, sight-seeing, dinners out….

In other news, going to see Sex & the City tomorrow with my girls. Can’t wait, just hoping the reviews aren’t as bad as I’ve heard. At least I can drool over the clothes!

2010-06-01T13:40:00.001-04:00

Had a lot of fun at my friends’ place Saturday. Maybe too much, because the next day I was pretty much useless, lol. I got a strange sunburn too, which is only now calming down. I did wear sunscreen too. Have to be more careful in the future.

Going to see Sex & the City 2 with my girlfriends Thursday, and I can’t wait! I know it hasn’t been getting the best reviews but I’m sure it will still be amusing. Plus, it’s girly time, which is always good! We’re hitting up Swiss Chalet before hand for a healthy dinner (probably to be negated by the popcorn, lol).

This weekend is the annual Lobsterfest party (410 lobsters this year). I am having a lobster for lunch and then getting the heck out of here! Up to Barrie to visit my friend overnight. Then Sunday it’s a baby shower for my good friend who is now stuck in the hospital on bed rest. But she’s allowed to leave for a few hours on the weekend, and they moved the shower to a location downtown near her, so I believe it’s still going on. Have to get that baby gift tomorrow!

Guess that’s me for now.

2010-05-29T11:20:00.001-04:00

Not much going on in my neck of the woods. A friend of mine from school is house-sitting her sister’s big house in Ajax, so I’m going out there this afternoon for a BBQ and drinks. There’s a pool too, but I’m not swimming. She also has two kids and is babysitting her sister’s two boys. YAY! (*ahem* that’s sarcasm there!). Anyhow, something to do. I’m bringing an overnight bag in case I need to crash.

The EX was mad at me because I didn’t make “more of an effort” to see him the week of his birthday (what are you, 12?). I told him he shouldn’t expect me to do girlfriend things as we’re not a couple (I did phone him on his birthday). He said most of his friends made an effort. Whatever. I told him we should just stay friends (no more of this “benefits” thing), since we want different things (i.e. I want a relationship [not with him] and he doesn’t know what he wants but wants to keep me hanging around). Guess that’s definitely the end of that. Makes me a little sad, but I know I have to move on; he was kind of a fall-back crutch and I don’t need that.

Anyhow it’s a beautiful day and I have things to do. Have a great Saturday!

2010-05-27T11:25:00.001-04:00

Go and visit Tricia at Fight Fat Phobia to enter her awesome giveaway! And, Tricia is awesome too!

Been tagged

2010-05-25T16:53:00.001-04:00

I have been tagged by the lovely Miss Krista, and since nothing much has changed since yesterday, here ya go (five questions, five answers):

Where were you five years ago?

I was 32, and I think I had been laid off from my marketing coordinator job
I saw the musical Wicked, and it is one of the best I have ever seen
I decided to go to aesthetics school and got a job as a waitress at Montana’s Cookhouse
In April, five years ago, my weight was about the same. How sad.
Found out my sister in law was pregnant with my niece!

Where would you like to be five years from now?

I want to be happy in my career, finally
I want to be in a happy loving relationship (with a hot man! haha)
Have my own place; hopefully a house/condo
Have enough money saved to be able to take a couple of great vacations per year
Have been at my goal weight for a long time; if not this, then have found a way to love myself & be happy with myself

What was on your to-do list today?

Go to class
Go to the grocery store
Check out the Giant Tiger and see if they had any leggings (not that fit me :-( )
Watch GLEE!
Decide what to wear on my visit to a private court reporting firm tomorrow (can you say job opportunity!)

What snacks do you enjoy?

Potato chips
Anything crunchy and savoury, really
Bowl of fresh fruit
Dark Chocolate
sunflower seeds

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

Pay all my bills, and all my family’s bills
Throw a huge party for all my close friends (seven, I think) and give them all a chunk of money to do with what they will
Hire a personal trainer and nutritionist for every day
Travel the world

Not sure if I am supposed to tag five people? But if you wanna, go ahead!

calgon take me away

2010-05-24T11:03:00.002-04:00

God my parents are just bickering constantly today. Get me the hell outta here! I’m definitely going to sit outside (or downstairs) for most of the day.

Damn Lost, leaving more questions….I’m not sure if I’m happy with the way they ended it. I’ve taped the appearance on Jimmy Kimmel from last night; apparently there are three alternate endings shown. Have to see if one them is better. (EDIT 7:14pm: the "alternate" endings were joke endings, which, while funny, did nothing to help clarify things! grrr....)

Weekend of indulgence is over. Back to following my plan. It seems the more disgusted I get with myself, the more it seems okay to just eat whatever I want. But I must exercise even a little self control. And that’s what I’m going to practice this week.

Happy Victoria Day!

First long weekend of the summer!

2010-05-23T14:54:00.001-04:00

Ah long weekend….and the weather is amazing! It’s the May 2-4 weekend in Canada (actually Victoria Day, celebrating Queen Victoria’s birthday) and generally the start of summer. “They” tell you it is now okay to plant your gardens as there probably won’t be any more frost. All I know is, our pool is OPEN (although freezing; no heater yet), the sun is shining and I have to sleep with my fan on.

Tonight I am very excited for the LOST finale; I have watched every episode of this show and am hoping they don’t disappoint. It has been very confusing at times, but also super entertaining. I’m really hoping the finale isn’t a let down.

I’m going to my friend’s to watch and we’ll be going (somewhere) for dinner first. Got my nails did today too, so all in all, it’s been a good day.

Yesterday I hit the gym for a hard workout by myself, and I shall take myself there tomorrow too. I’m thinking after that, I’m going to sit by the pool and absorb a little Vitamin D (as that was all that came back from my blood work – really low D; I’m on a supplement now).

2010-05-21T23:40:00.001-04:00

Hey y’all. Yes, it’s Friday night, and I’ve been chillin’ at home, so I hope you are having a fun Friday night!

I just read Alexia's post about a post about fat acceptance. I just want to make a mild comment. I do agree that we should love ourselves, even if we are fat (overweight, or however you want to word it). However, that doesn’t mean we should just “accept” that we will be fat (overweight, or whichever wording) forever. I’m not just talking about looking good (although I will admit, for me personally that is a big part of it), but moreso, the healthy part of it. I believe that is something we should all strive for. If you’re above your recommended healthy weight or bmi, yet work out/exercise regularly and eat healthy as much as possibly, then that is a great place to be. I wish I could be happy there. But I hope others can.

Don’t have too many formal plans this weekend but plan to enjoy it. Hope you do the same!

more of the same

2010-05-20T18:01:00.001-04:00

Not much new going on in my little corner of the world. Today it was 28 degrees outside (that’s….in the high 80’s for you American's) and so beautiful. But I was in school all day, then at the gym. That’s pretty much been it lately. Watching season finales (Grey’s tonight! Lost Sunday!!!), school, getting over this cold-thing, and gym. Boring, lately!

Thank you all!

2010-05-15T18:46:00.001-04:00

Wow. Didn’t realize it’s been so long. I’m only one person away from 100 fabulous followers!!! :-) Thanks everyone! While I mainly write this thing for myself (I’ve kept a diary/journal in some format since I was in 7th grade), it’s nice to know some people enjoy my writing (or watching me crash and burn, I dunno!).

So I’ve realized my stomach has been much better this week. However, I’ve been fighting a cold/flu thing all week and now it’s catching up to me. I’m losing my voice & my throat is painful. I’m not sure if I can take any antibiotics because of my cat study, so I will have to ask them on Monday.

Back to school Wednesday, and half the class made it through. We lost at least 20 people (I think most of them failed!)!! Some people who were on the attendance list didn’t show last week either, so I’m not sure if they’re still in the program or transferring to another program.

Had a great workout today with my trainer, and he was super-excited about my baked squares I brought him. Not sure my girlfriend (who he’s married to) will be too happy to have them in the house! But I told him to share with other people, so hopefully they won’t have to eat the whole box.

The gym felt really good. I didn’t go this week because of feeling sick, and I really wish I felt 100%. I always thought it really didn’t matter about going to the gym being sick, but I have read (I forget where) that when sick, your body is already trying to fight off whatever bug it is and you should let it focus on that, and wait to workout until you’re feeling better. I just hate missing it.

feeling better

2010-05-10T16:43:00.001-04:00

Well I have slowly but surely been feeling better. Still nauseous in the morning after eating, but later in the day is better (I WAS feeling nauseous all day). Maybe it’s a virus or bug or something? Anyways, I’m glad!

Had one of my last personal training sessions today. He’s giving me about four extra free sessions. I can’t believe it, he’s awesome. I’m going to bake him these squares that my mom always makes at Christmas, that he loves (my trainer is my best friends’ husband), and give him the recipe (he’s asked me for it before). It may seem weird giving my trainer baked goods, but he has his “cheat meals” and I’m sure he’ll share them with the other trainers :-).

School starts Wednesday, I’m kind of glad I’ll be back to a schedule (albeit a different schedule than the last four months). I enjoy time off but without any plans, after a while it gets dull. Plus I wasn’t feeling well most of the time, so that sucked.

I just finished reading Jackie Warner's book, This is Why You’re Fat (and How to Get Thin Forever), and I really enjoyed it. She uses a lot of science to back up her statements, which I like. Her eating plan is fairly simple, too (five days clean then two cheat meals on weekends). It’s something I’m trying starting today, as there’s no calorie counting involved. I could use a break from that.

oh to be independently wealthy!

2010-05-06T16:28:00.001-04:00

I originally typed the last paragraph first, but I thought I would start off with the positive for a change. :-)

I ended up with a 4.357 GPA for my first semester. Five A+ and one B+ (stupid Current Issues!). In Canada we don’t use the GPA system much, so I don’t really understand…I had thought 4.0 was the highest? Anyhow I’m pretty happy with it.

Had some lovely visits this week with a couple of girlfriends who are on maternity leave. Shopping yesterday and then lunch at one of their houses today. Man, I wish I didn’t have to work/go to school! Come on lottery (would probably help if I bought a ticket! lol)!! ;-)

I had my blood work, and tomorrow I go for an abdominal ultrasound. The part that is really annoying me is I cannot get back in to see my doctor & the results until May 21!!! So I have to go another two weeks feeling like crap. I really want to cry. What is the point?! Today I have felt sick after both breakfast and lunch. Blarg.

2010-05-03T22:36:00.001-04:00

I got in to see my Doc today. I’m going to have bloodwork tomorrow, and call to set up an appointment for an abdominal ultrasound. It’s not too scary, but as my doc says, “Something is definitely going on there”. And I’m like 99.9% sure I’m not pregnant; took another home test today (negative of course) and had one before my cat shot tonight (negative or they won’t do the shot). Doc also is pretty sure I’m not, but it’s part of the blood test anyways.

I’ve also been having these severe hot flashes, although none really since early afternoon. Not sure if it’s related or not. The Ex was coming down with the flu on Sunday when I saw him, and I was “close”, lol….so I don’t know if I have a fever or not. Besides that and my stomach, I feel “fine”.

So I rescheduled my personal training for later this week, because working out while feeling this way (I’ve done it several times since April 15th, when I started feeling this way) is not fun and I don’t get my full workout. I felt okay this morning, but then after lunch I felt really ill. So I’m hoping I’ll feel alright for Wednesday afternoon when I have my next session.

dull day

2010-05-02T11:11:00.001-04:00

It’s trying to decide whether to rain outside, and it’s very grey. I’m not up to much today. I hit the gym yesterday, and struggled through my workout due to feeling sick. It’s back again today. Tomorrow I will be calling to make that doctors appointment.

I’ve decided to cancel my WW online membership. I’m going to go back to paper tracking for a while. I’m trying to get away from being so diligent about points, etc. and am going to try to focus on healthy eating and trying to listen to my hunger cues (a little difficult right now when all I feel is nauseous), and smaller portion sizes. I have two new Fitbooks (six months’ worth) and am going to track everything, even if it’s not the best food.

That’s about all I got today, my couch is calling. Ug.